˗ˏˋ ꒰ What Am I Up to Right Now? ꒱ ˎˊ˗

I plan to update this page intermittently whenever I feel like it, to serve as a snapshot of who I was at various points in my life.

Personal Updates

Current Era

I'm in my Coming Back to Myself era!

⤷ As of writing this, it has been over a year and a half since my last /Now update. Oops! The main reason for this was my struggle with understanding who I am, nevermind trying to write about it. For a very long time, I maintained my identity by seeing myself as fundamentally different from others. As a consequence, I felt that no one in this world could ever understand me or ever love me adequately, making me both incredibly special but uniquely disadvantaged and flawed. It wasn't something that I ever meant to cultivate consciously, but it was an incredibly destructive mindset that was holding me back. I've always been acutely aware of and focused on my personal differences and deficiencies to my own detriment. By spending more time with myself these past few months, I've developed the skill of owning all of my my feelings, motives, contradictions, and emotional conflicts without denying or attempting rationalize them. I am no longer afraid to look at myself warts and all. I want to keep working on understanding the truth of my lived experience so that I can come to terms with my overly emotional history. I no longer feel like I am missing something in myself, at least not something of immense value-- I've accepted that although other people may have traits in abundance I wish I had, I also have traits and qualities other people would kill to have. I don't allow myself to base my identity largely on ever-shifting feelings. I've learned to let go of feelings from the past, and accept myself as a dynamic and ever changing being. I don't let myself become so attached to longing and disappointment that I am unable to recognize the many treasures in my life. These days, I'm working on combining my creativity and ambition to build the life that I've always wanted for myself. I've discovered not only who I am, but that who I am is good.

Who Am I?

In my free time, I'm a hobbyist artist, game dev, and web dev!

Where Am I?

Physically: I'm in my home state living with my family.

Online: If I'm not chatting on discord, I'm reading personal blogs.

What Am I Doing?

Current Favorites

Color: Light Pink

Flower: Peonies

Animals: Bunnies

Fruit: Cotton Candy Grapes

Time of Day: Morning

Bath and Bodyworks Scents: If You Musk, Covered in Roses

Alcohol: Haven't been drinking lately. I guess I miss seltzers though

Boba Order: Taro milk tea with regular boba

Sanrio Character: My Melody

Pokemon: Musharna

Neopets Species: Kacheek

AC Villager: Chevre

Identifiers

Rainbow things: Femme Lesbian

Star Signs: Aries ☼, Aquarius ☾, Libra ↑

MBTI: ISFP-T

Enneagram: 4w3

Chinese Zodiac: Metal Snake

Other: Bargain Bin Princess, Cherry Flavored Disaster, Bunnygirl, Prep-Nerd Aligned, Prodigal Daughter, The Lost Princess, Spoiled Sweet

In the Future

⤷ I want to stop believing that I can think or feel my way out of my life's problems. I want to work on having more self discipline by doing small things for myself such as making my bed right as I wake up and organizing my desk. I want to work in a place that doesn't feel chaotic or messy. I think that these small steps will lead to making bigger and bolder decisions to advance the quality of my life.